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Jealousy is a poisonous feeling which has the potential to ruin a relationship. Often you may not even realize the fact that you are jealous by mistaking it for possessiveness or a sign of deep love.

Feeling jealous occasionally is understandable but when it starts stalking your relationship and becomes the root cause of almost all your arguments, it becomes hazardous not just for your own health but also the health of your relationship.

How to figure out that your jealousy is potentially hazardous?

    • If you see your partner talking to someone else, does your imagination run into overdrive?
    • Do you feel inadequate compared to other women/men?
    • Have you become a slave to your negative thinking, often visualizing your partner cheating on you?
    • Are you constantly comparing yourself with other people?
    • Do you often accuse your partner of cheating on you or lying?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, your jealousy has turned toxic. However, it’s not too late. Once you realize that jealousy is a problem and decide to overcome it; you can make a fresh start and find happiness in your relationship.

Causes of Jealousy:

  1. Low self-esteem

Jealousy is the offspring of low self esteem. You feel jealous of others when you feel that you lack the qualities that others have.  Jealousy makes you concentrate on your flaws and overlook your positive attributes.  The reasons for low self-esteem are generally rooted in one’s past.

2. Resentment

Resenting other people their good fortune, looks or mannerisms leads to a feeling of burning jealousy. Resentment means blaming life, God or your luck (whatever you believe in) for your lack of something. It means an inability to take self-responsibility.  Prolonged resentment can make you a bitter person, stuck in the abyss of jealousy.

3. Fear of abandonment arising from the past

Sometimes past hurts leave such a deep impression on our subconscious that we are unable to let go of the associated hurtful memories. Incidents or events of childhood especially are responsible for shaping our behavior.  For instance, a child who loses his/her parent(s) at an early age or is witness to his/her parents’ divorce is more likely to grow up with a fear of abandonment. These children may come to terms with their situation after a few years, but somewhere within, the fear of abandonment keeps gnawing at them. Such individuals tend to be extremely jealous in relationships.

How to overcome jealousy?

  1. Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations can go a long way in forming and strengthening new self beliefs.  Whatever you hear about yourself repeatedly becomes your belief. For instance if you have always been told that you are fat, no matter how thin you are you’ll start seeing yourself as fat. Similarly if you tell yourself repeatedly that you are a happy and secure person, with time, it will become your belief. Make up your own affirmations or practice the following in front of a mirror everyday:

“I love and accept myself the way I am”

“I feel secure and happy in all my relationships”

“I trust life to bring the best to me”

“I love myself and release all my hurtful past memories”

2. Hypnosis

Sometimes your past hurt maybe so deep rooted that you might require professional help to release your traumatic memories.  Clinical hypnosis may be helpful is some cases. If you do decide to undertake this therapy a trained practitioner can induce a hypnotic state and delve into your subconscious mind.  All your past memories whether you remember them consciously or not are filed somewhere in your subconscious.  The therapist will be able to access these memories, bring you face to face with them and help you release all the associated negative feelings.

3. Psychotherapy

You can also opt for psychotherapy or psychoanalysis. A trained psychologist or psychiatrist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and help you overcome your jealousy with counseling, therapeutic modalities, and sometimes medication.

Once you learn to let go of jealousy you will realize how fulfilling and loving your relationship can be. Remember, blaming someone’s actions or behavior for your jealousy or resentment would mean giving up the power to transform your life. The moment you admit that you have a problem you also admit that you have the power to get rid of it.

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Author: Andrew Clinton